Desperation
by Starrmyst
Summary: Emily is leaving the BAU and she hasn't told Hotch how she feels yet. Her feelings of desperation have lead her to attend a Halloween Fundraising with Morgan. Will she forget Hotch or will she finally tell him her feelings? My submission for the Halloween Challenge
1. Chapter 1

Challenge 25 - Halloween Horrors!

Pairing: Hotch/ Emily

Title: desperation

Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, ****I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters**

"I hate this time of the year!" Emily complained as she looked around the bullpen. There were orange and black streamers, cobwebs hanging from the light fixtures and stupid pictures of zombies and vampires on the cabinet doors. "Someone needs to put a leash on Garcia because if I open one more door and find a severed finger in there, she's going to lose a real one."

"Wow, woman, what has gotten your knickers in a knot?" Morgan asked as he parked his cute little tush on the side of her desk.

Looking up at him, she just shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head. "I am the Grinch of Halloween past. I have really never liked all the gory décor of Hallowe'en. I mean we see enough in the real world of sick & perverse people including real blood and guts. And I just don't want to pretend that it is ok. I am so sick and tired of turning a corner and bashing my head into a stupid flying bat. I feel like I'm 12!"

Morgan watched his friend try to explain her feelings but he knew her and he knew why she was so off. This wasn't about Halloween. This was about something else and he knew enough about her that if he pushed, she'd run. So instead he agreed with her. "Listen Princess, I hear you, but you know that it is expected from the head honcho's that each floor decorates as it bolsters team cooperation. So we really don't have a choice, and besides you know that my baby girl can't help herself. She is always so over the top. She wants it bigger and better than last year's event. So you have got to figure out a way to get past your feelings because this stuff isn't going anywhere."

Leaning back into her chair, Emily shook her head in disgust. "You're right. It really isn't that bad but ever since I came back to the BAU nothing seems right. I feel nervous about everything. Everything seems to bother me. And look." She whispered loudly shoving her hands into his face. "Look at my finger nails. They are practically non-existant. I don't know what to do, or how to feel or even what to say." She looked almost deranged as she vented to him.

Taking a huge chance, Morgan placed one hand on Emily's right shoulder. "Em, you have to tell him."

Emily's eyes grew wide at his words. He couldn't know what he was saying, could he?

Seeing the doubt in her dark eyes, Morgan continued. "Emily, I know that you have feelings for Hotch. I knew how you felt before that Doyle situation. But everything seems to be more intensified since you came back. What happened?"

Hesitating for a minute, Emily finally admitted the truth, "Beth."

"Oh, right. I forgot about her."

"Yes, well, I can't seem to forget about her. Ever since JJ's wedding, I can't seem to get rid of this feeling of desperation. I feel like my chance to tell him has slipped through my fingers. And with me moving to counter intelligence next month, I think my chance with him will be long gone. You know the saying, out of sight, out of mind." Emily lamented as she chewed on her nails.

Reaching out to stop her from chewing her nails down to nothing, Morgan took her hands in his. "Emily, you will never be forgotten. When you were gone all those months, I have never seen such a loss in Hotch's eyes. He was a hollow man until you returned. You were the one that brought the light back to Hotch's eyes. You have got to tell him before you leave the BAU. If he doesn't feel the same way, so be it. But you can't leave with this hanging over your head."

"Morgan, he seems to really like her and I know that their next step is just around the corner. I think that I blew my chance. I should have told him how I felt the minute I got back and maybe everything would have been different. But I didn't. Did you see them at JJ's wedding? They seemed happy. Oh God, maybe he has already fallen in love with her."

"Em, listen to me. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Maybe you need to get your mind off of the situation. Come with me tonight to the FBI Halloween fundraiser. It'll get your mind off of this situation, at least for the night."

"I don't think..."

"That's your problem Princess. Stop thinking and just enjoy. I'll pick you up at 7:00 pm."

"But I don't have a costume."

"Not to worry, I'll take care of that." Morgan said as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Now get back to work. Our esteemed leader seems to have made his way back from a meeting with the dragon lady."

They both turned around to see Hotch entering the bullpen, his eyes immediately taking in the two colleagues sitting together at Emily's desk.

"Meeting room in 2 minutes." Was all Hotch said to them as he climbed the stairs to his office.

Emily stared back at Morgan who gave her hands another squeeze before he walked down the hallway for a cup of coffee. As Emily collected her own cup, she walked towards the room watching Hotch knock on Rossi's door before heading over to the meeting room.

She stood watching how his muscles showed in flashes beneath the cut of his suit. "Damn he looked good." She said to herself.

Hotch turned around and saw that she was staring at him. "Prentiss, are you coming?" Looking at his face, he seemed to be hiding some anger. Emily wondered what that was all about but instead just responded that she was on her way.

Maybe Morgan was right. The Halloween party might be a good way to get her mind off the fact that she was in love with her boss and he loved someone else. Maybe what she needed was to find someone else herself. Or maybe she just had to tell Hotch how she felt before she left.

As she entered the meeting room, her head smashed into another flying bat. She wanted to rip it off the ceiling. Shaking her head, she realized that she was just being silly. She knew that she had better make up her mind soon. All this back and forth was driving her just batty.


	2. The Halloween Fundraiser

Challenge 25 - Halloween Horrors!

Pairing: Hotch/ Emily

Title: Desperation

Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, ****I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters**

Derek told her to be ready for 6:15 p.m. Emily tried to protest once more before she was cut off by his hand. "Princess, in this you do NOT have a choice. Your only choice tonight is do you go funny, sweet or sexy in your costume?"

" 't…"

"One more word of refusal and you will lose the choice of costume."

Clamping her mouth shut, Emily gave in. "Okay. I want something…sweet."

"I'll do the best I can" Derek laughed as he sauntered away to his office.

"Derek!"

"I'll see you soon." He called out as he rounded the corner.

Emily collected her things and drove home quickly. She showered and prepared her hair in loose curls cascading down her back. While she didn't know the exact costume Derek was choosing, she applied her usual makeup a little more heavily. Just as she added a last swipe of lipstick, the doorbell rang. "Nothing like cutting it close." She murmured to herself as she went to answer the door. Peering through the peephole, she saw that it was indeed Derek, dressed as Zorro and looking like the cat that swallowed a bird.

Opening the door, Emily reached for the bag Derek held out. "What did you do?" she asked knowing that it wasn't going to be good.

"What?!" Derek smiled as he shut the door behind him. "I'm here on time and I got your costume."

Trying to peer into the bag and figure out what it was, Emily snorted, "Yes, but what costume did you get, is the question."

Pushing her towards the guest washroom, Derek turned on the light and closed the door behind him. Holding out his hands he counted silently to five before she screamed his name, "Morgan, I'm going to kill you!"

Raising his voice slightly so she could hear him through the closed door, Morgan protested, "Prentiss, I got you what you asked for. A 'sweet' costume."

The door to the washroom suddenly flung open pushing Derek back. Emily stood in the doorway with darts coming out of her eyes aimed right at Derek's heart. She held the skimpy costume out to him. "I will not wear that…that…dress."

Derek smiled and tried to placate her. "Oh come on Princess, it's a little sexy, I'll give you that but how can you not call Little Red Riding Hood sweet?"

"If it was a full costume maybe, but it's half a skirt. If I bend over, you'll see my woohoo."

Shrugging his shoulders, Morgan told her not to bend over.

Shoot him a dirty look, Emily responded, "I can't go out in that dress. Little Red Riding Hood is supposed to be a sweet girl. Not a cougar selling her wares on the side of the road."

"Emily. You are one hot momma and you will never look like a cheap hooker. And besides, Prentiss, there really wasn't anything else. It was either this or Miss Hottie Cop, which is too close to your everyday outfit." He winked. "Now come on and put it on. We're going to be late."

Taking a deep breath, Emily took the costume to her room and put it on. Looking at herself in the full length mirror, she realized that she looked damn good for her age. Why shouldn't she flaunt it? Just to be a little more conservative, Emily slid on a pair of white leggings underneath the short skirt. Over this she put on the thigh high stockings. Then she tied her hair into two loose pig tales, draping them over each shoulder. Slipping her feet into the shoes, she completed the look.

"Holy Cow!" Morgan whistled as she came down the stairs. "Damn, woman, you look good!"

"Thanks."

Looking her up and down, Morgan noticed that she added the leggings. "I see you made some alterations."

Looking down at the leggings, Emily smiled, "It is the only way I'm prepared to show my tush off. Now are you ready?"

"Yes ma'am." Derek answered grabbing his mask and hat off the counter. "Your chariot awaits."

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKK

They got there just before 7:00 pm. The place was decorated with all the typical Halloween décor; bats, pumpkins, witches and goblins but when they entered the room, it really was breathtaking. Each table was covered in orange with a black lace overlay. The centrepiece was a smoldering cauldron. The dance floor was dark and covered in spider webs and fog.

Picking up the seating card, Derek led them over to the table that had been assigned to them. Penelope and Kevin were already seated at the table dressed in matching greaser outfits.

"Oh my Pussycat, you look amazing!" Penelope aka "Sandy" jumped up from the table grabbed Emily in her arms. Come…come sit." She indicated to the seat right next to her. Emily sat down beside her and waved hello to Kevin. He waved back and ran his hand through his greased 'Danny Zucco' hairstyle. She almost laughed from the sweetness of the two of them; instead she pulled down her hem trying to will it longer.

"Sorry Em, but that isn't going to help," Derek whispered in her ear.

"I know, you jackass. I'm just a little uncomfortable."

"Emily, could you for once let go of your reservations and just live. It's the one night of the year that you can be someone else and no one will say anything. Live a little and come and dance."

"Oh no, I don't think so." Emily shook her head.

Reaching for her hand, Derek tugged, "Come on Princess, you need to let go. Remember, tonight you're here to forget your problems. Let loose!"

Hesitating for a moment, Emily finally gave in. "Ok big shot, show me a good time."

Rubbing his hands together, Morgan cackled, "Finally, I have her under my control. Muhahaha!"

Laughing, she followed him on to the dance floor where the two of them boogied to several dances. After the first dance she forgot all about her short hem and let herself relax enough to begin enjoying herself.

"Hey big boy, my feet need a break. Think we can get a drink?"

Flashing his famous Derek Morgan grin, he bowed in the direction of the bar. "My lady."

"A dirty Martini for my friend and a Scotch and Soda for me." Derek instructs the bartender. "What?" he responded when Emily narrowed her eyes at him.

"So I know about your new favorite drink."

"Who told you?"

"Well, a certain blond may or may not have told me that you may or may not be addicted to that drink since you may or may not have died and hid out in Paris."

"This is going to be an interesting night after all." Emily laughed at his explanation.

Looking out over the crowd, Derek noticed the rest of their tablemates joining Penelope and Kevin at the table. Ordering a second drink for her he said cryptically, "You have no idea just how interesting it will be."

Turning around, Emily could just feel her skin begin to prickle from goose bumps as she finally realized what Derek was referring to.

"Oh God! What the hell is she doing here?


	3. Chapter 3

I must apologize for the delay in chapter 3. Unfortunately, just as I finished the chapter 3, I got a nasty virus on my computer. i sent it to be debugged and just got it back when I turned on the computer and discovered another version of the virus had come back. Hopefully I should get my computer back next week so I promise two chapters for you.

Thanks for all the alerts, follows and reviews. I really appreciate it as well as your patience.


	4. Chapter 4-The Halloween Bash

Challenge 25 - Halloween Horrors!

Pairing: Hotch/ Emily

Title: Desperation

Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, ****I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters**

_Sorry for the delay. I finally got my computer back after trying to get out a nasty virus that just didn't want to let go! _

XOXOXOXO

If looks could kill, the arrows that Emily was shooting from her eyes would be penetrating Beth's heart right at that moment. The perky brunette was dressed as a semi-sexy saloon girl, while Hotch stood beside her looking very dashing as a Western Gunslinger.

Ignoring the woman that she liked to refer to as her "nemesis", Emily focused her attention on the tall and dark handsome man standing with his arm around 'her' lower back. Blocking the saloon girl out, Emily's eyes followed the cut of his black overcoat that defined his strong shoulders. His simple black vest was buttoned over a stripped white shirt and he wore black chaps with a matching black dicky bow.

Biting her lower lip, she watched, no actually stared as Hotch followed the rim of his cowboy hat and removed it when greeting Penelope. Covering her eyes, she growled at herself. Dammit! Why does that man have to look so good all the time? And…why does he affect her body so much?

Morgan stood beside her drinking his scotch and soda and watching Emily's emotions play all over her face. "Em, you've got to let it go. Or do something about it. But either way do it now before too many people find out what is going on. My suggestion is for this one night just forget it. Pretend that I'm your true love and have a good time. For all our sakes, come dance with me."

Morgan was right. Emily wasn't going to get over Hotch so easily but she could compartmentalize and put all those feelings for him and Beth in a box; at least for tonight. She deserved to enjoy herself. Downing her drink in one gulp, she popped the olive into her mouth. Grabbing his hand, she led him to the dance floor. "Let's go!"

At the table, David Rossi joined the other couples. He was dressed as a Mafia king and looked impeccable in a striped navy suit. One might guess it was his own, but the matching gangster hat and white wing tipped shoes completed his look. When asked where his gun was, David patted his left side and told Kevin that he'd never leave home without it. Sitting down beside Aaron, he asked where Derek was.

Penelope pointed to the dance floor where her chocolate god was practically feeling up her warrior princess. "Oh my!" Penelope gasped fanning herself with her napkin. "Look at that."

Everyone turned to see what Garcia was going on about. No one was more surprised than Hotch to see Emily and Morgan Latin dancing across the dance floor. While they couldn't see all of Derek's face through his mask, his smile was clearly visible and it matched the one on Emily's face.

Not only did the two of them look like they were enjoying themselves but they also looked like a very stunning couple together.

Under his breath, Dave whispered for Hotch's ears only, "Told you."

Shooting him a dirty look, Hotch's use of his name in a tone that Dave was all too familiar with, had him holding up his hands but not before he replied, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Luckily no one else seemed to be paying attention to Dave as their eyes were glued to the two people on the dance floor. After a moment, Beth touched Hotch's arm and smiled to get his attention.

Hotch forced his own smile as she asked him to get her a drink from the bar. Taking orders from the people at his table, Dave offered to help Hotch. After placing their order, Hotch turned back to the dance floor and crossed his arms in front of him.

Dave watched his friend for a moment pretend not to search for Emily and Morgan as they danced to the latest pop song of the day.

"They look good together." Dave said after watching for a few minutes.

"Who?" Hotch asked trying to be nonchalant.

Raising his eyebrows, he tried to look at Hotch in the face. When Hotch refused to turn towards him, Dave continued, "You know that as your long-time friend, you can't feed me this bullshit. I **know** what has your gut tied into knots. The question is: Are you going to finally admit it to yourself?

With no change to his facial features, Hotch replied in his most stern Unit Chief tone, "I told you to leave it alone!"

"And how do you propose I do that when you look like you are ready to strangle him and to throw her over your shoulder and take her away from here?"

Turning his dark eyes on Dave, Hotch clenched his teeth and angrily replied, "I don't know why you insist on going there all the time. I'm with Beth. And all I feel for Prentiss is concern as her colleague that she doesn't fall for his womanizing ways. Now can you drop it?"

Nodding his head, Dave reached for the drinks that were ready and handed Aaron a couple to carry. "Okay, I'll call Uncle. However I have one more observation for you before this old timer shuts his mouth. I find it very interesting that you say "I'm with Beth" instead of saying "I love Beth." Now for a man in a committed relationship you've got to ask yourself why your eyes get dark and your knickers get into a knot when you see Morgan paying attention to Emily." And with that Dave left to deliver the drinks he held to their respective owners while Hotch was left to stew on his very poignant words.


	5. Chapter 5-The beginning of the End

Challenge 25 - Halloween Horrors!

Pairing: Hotch/ Emily

Title: Desperation

Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, ****I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters**

With Dave's words ringing in his ear, Hotch reached out with his elbow to stop his friend. "Dave, wait."

"Yes?"

Putting the drinks down on the bar, Hotch ran his fingers through his hair. "You're wrong you know."

"Am I? Somehow I don't think so."

With more emphasis, Hotch said it again, "Well, you're wrong!"

Putting his own drinks on the bar, Dave crossed his arms and leaned against the railing. "Okay, I'll play along. Convince me."

Taking a deep breath Hotch spoke. "I do care for Beth. She is everything you could want in a woman. She is beautiful, smart, funny and independent. She is always happy to see me and she accepts the limitations that come with my job. She doesn't get angry when I have to cancel a date. We have fun together and I respect her opinion. And Jack loves her."

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Dave agreed. "You're right. Beth is all those things. And she would do anything for you. But here is the problem. When you described how wonderful Beth is you say that she is 'everything you could want in a woman' not 'everything I could want'. And that to me, my friend, is very telling."

"Dave, that's semantics."

"No. No, it's not. It is reality. It's like you are trying to convince yourself that you would kill to be with her. But really you want her to be with anyone else but you. Listen, Aaron, we go way back and I remember once upon a time when you were in love with Hayley. I haven't seen you with that same twinkle in your eye except when you look at Emily."

When Hotch didn't deny it Dave continued, "Tell me something, if you replaced Beth's name with Emily wouldn't you be able to say the same things about her. Even if you won't admit it to me, admit it to yourself; it's killing you that in 4 days Emily will leave the BAU and you will stop seeing her on a daily basis."

"I'll be fine."

"Are you joking? You seem to forget how crushed you were when Emily was away all those months."

"It was a difficult time for all of us."

"I know it was hard for us because we all thought she was dead. But you were a different man those months. You knew she was alive but because she was out of your grasp and there was nothing you could do to protect any further, it killed you."

"All of us wanted to protect her. Remember how Derek continued to search for Doyle after she died. Does that mean he loved her?"

"Yes! Yes he did. She was his partner and her death affected him. He still has trust issues but look at him now." Dave nodded towards the dance floor." I think he may have gotten past his feelings of betrayal and he's on to some other strong feelings."

Hotch looked almost panicked when he turned to look at the objects of their discussion. Dave was right. Morgan was on his way to making Emily another notch on his belt. Taking his hand and rubbing the heel into his left eye, Hotch took a really deep breath. "Oh God, I've made such a mess of my life."

"No you haven't pal. You can still make it right."

"How can I do that? I'm her superior."

"I don't buy it. Frat rules be damned. That excuse will only work for only 4 more days."

"And I'm with Beth. I can't….no I won't do that to her."

"Do what? Tell her what she has already known since JJ's wedding. Believe me Aaron; you have to know what we all know. Why do you think she took that job in New York? It's a way out for her pal. She is just biding her time until you tell her that it won't work. Tell her tonight so you don't waste any more time. And then tell Emily that you are in love with her."

And the words that were in Hotch's heart were now out there. "What if…what if she doesn't feel the same? "

Placing the drinks back in Hotch's hand, Dave laughed, "If that's true, I'll do your paperwork for the next month. But I know what I'm talking about in life. Now go take Beth for a walk and let her down gently. I'll go get the car and take her home."

"I can take her home, Dave."

"You have someone here that you have to speak to. Like I said, Derek is sniffing her heels and if you don't make a move, he will. And besides, I have a little flapper lady waiting for me to finish my allotted time at this event so she can meet up with me at home. And no, it's none of your business who she is."

"You're not breaking any frat rules are you?"

"Well…."

"Dave?!"

"It's no one on our floor, so don't worry too much. Now go, please before Derek makes his move."

Glancing at Emily as he moved past the dance floor, he convinced himself that while there may have been some truth in Dave's words, he needed to make it clear in his head exactly what he felt for Beth. Certainly she was the safer bet for both himself and for his son. And there was no question how quickly Jack took to Beth but the same could be said about Emily.

Aaron knew how Jack's eyes light up, in a similar fashion as his father, whenever Emily stopped by the house. Truth be told while he loved spending time with Beth, he had to admit to himself that his breath never quicken as much as it did when Emily spent time with them. It really wasn't fair to keep wavering his heart between two women (whether or not one of them actually knew about it!).

His mind was racing a mile a minute. He wanted to take the drinks in his hand and down them. Instead he knew that he had to talk to Beth. He navigated his way over to the table and handed Beth her drink. She accepted it graciously and put it down on the table after a quick sip. The smile she gave Hotch was forced at best and when he held out his hand she hesitantly placed her petite hand in his.

"Excuse us; I'd like to take a walk." Hotch half bowed to the table as Beth picked up her clutch and followed his lead as he walked over to the balcony. Luckily it was still unseasonably warm as Hotch held the door open for Beth to walk through.

As they sat on the settee, Hotch put his arm on the back of the couch and Beth leaned into it. They took in the moonlight and stars for a few moments before Beth commented. "This is nice".

"Yes it is." He responded while tracing circles on her shoulders.

"So, who is bringing me home?" she asked with a sigh.

Hotch's ministrations stopped immediately and he pulled his arm back into his lap. Turning to look at Beth he could see that she held a sad smile as she looked at him. "I'm sorry." He told her.

Sitting back against the couch, Beth rested her head on his shoulder. "Well, that makes my move to New York so much easier. "

Reaching out for her hand, they intertwined their fingers, "Beth, I really do care about you. I think I'd still be wallowing in self pity working at the office night after night. Your...friendship helped me start to heal and for that I will be forever grateful."

"I know Hotchner; I had a great time while it lasted. I truly thought I could be happy with you and for awhile we were until your feelings for her became visible on your face."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"I know that too, but nonetheless, here I am. Listen I don't want you to think that this was because of tonight. To tell you the truth I realized the night of JJ and Will's wedding that things were not all that they seemed to be in Kanas."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Letting go of Hotch's fingers, Beth stood up in front of him. "I don't know. I guess I kept hoping that you'd realize that you had a great girl in front of you."

Reaching out for her hand, Hotch stared into her eyes and told her, "I do realize that you are a great girl, only not for me. I'm sorry."

Nodding she smiled again as Hotch stood up and took her in his arms. He could feel her body clench as he squeezed. Wiping away a stray tear, Beth pulled back. "So is Dave waiting for me downstairs?"

Nodding, Hotch reached down for her clutch and handed it to her. "I wish..."

Reaching up to touch his face, Beth leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll never be sorry."

"I'll walk you downstairs."

"No, I'll be fine. I'm a big girl. Please tell the group that it was a pleasure meeting them. And Jack..." She tried to say until the grief overwhelmed her.

It was killing him that she was hurting. Gently he told her, "I'll tell him."

Nodding through her tears, she walked over to the door and opened it. She turned back and whispered, "Be happy Hotchner." And with that she closed the door behind her, leaving Hotch in silence.

He walked over to the railing and sighed. He hated hurting Beth but if he waited any longer he would lose the best thing in his life to someone else. Thinking about the dance floor participants, Hotch hoped that he hadn't already.

Marching over to the door, he yanked it open and in a determined stride headed over to the dance floor to search for Emily. Scanning the crowd he couldn't see her Red hood through the dancers and panic started to gather in the pit of his stomach. "Oh no! She's already gone off with him."

Ripping off his hat and bow, he ran his fingers through his hair searching the rest of the room. He saw that they weren't at their table as he could only see Penelope and Kevin sitting there.

His eyes kept scanning the rest of the room until he turned towards the bar. At first he only glimpsed a fraction of red before her long legs came into view. A mixture of lust and then jealousy gathered inside Hotch when he realized that Morgan had her almost imprisoned in his arms against the edge of the bar trying to feed her a maraschino cherry that she obviously did not want.

His anger kicked in as he watched Emily wriggle in Morgan's arms to keep the offending item from entering her mouth. He could hear her pleading with Morgan that she'd do anything if he'd stop. Hotch couldn't help his fingers from curling into a fist as he stood there watching the two of them.

"Anything?!" Morgan teased through half closed lids.

Emily licked her ruby red lips and nodded. "Please, Morgan. Don't do it. NO!"

In the next instant, Morgan was yanked off her and thrown against the side of the bar where Hotch held him with his arm pushed against his chest.

"Hotch! What the hell?"

Through a veil of anger, Hotch spoke. "Don't. Derek, I respect you and because you have always been a good friend, I'm going to say this once. Emily is not your play toy. She asked you to stop and you need to respect her." He was so upset with the whole situation that he didn't notice Emily's smile had turned to a dark scowl. Nor did he even register that she was telling him to stop; that she was just fine.

Derek struggled against Hotch's arm telling him to let go or he'd be sorry. Hotch lifted his other hand and grabbed the edge of Derek's collar. "Hey man, you need to back off!" Derek warned.

"No, that's what you need to do." Hotch threatened back.

Unfortunately the men were so focussed on each other that neither of them noticed the look of fury on the face of the woman they were "fighting" over.

Finally, Emily screamed: "GUYS!"

Both men turned to Emily, realizing that in the last few moments they had forgotten that Emily was there. Once Emily got their attention, they relaxed their grip and backed away from each other.

Hotch turned to her and reached out for her hand.

Whipping it behind her back, she seethed, "Don't touch me!"

"Emily, I…"

"Don't you Emily me. How dare you embarrass me Hotch?" Pushing her finger in the middle of Hotch's chest she continued, "How dare you interfere in my life? I never asked you to be my saviour. You know what, Hotch? Do me a favour just back off!"

Emily grabbed her drink on the bar and threw it in Hotch's face. Spinning around, she headed towards the balcony leaving Derek and Aaron staring at her retreating back.

Reaching for some napkins, Hotch wiped the drink off his face. "Damn." Hotch muttered under his breath.

"I second that." Derek replied as he straightened his costume.

Signalling the bartender, Hotch ordered two shots. Handing one to Derek, Aaron raised it to him in salute to a job well done. It couldn't have gone better if he tried. Thankfully Derek accepted the drink and the two drank in silence. Hotch was the first one to speak.

"I'm sorry Derek. That was not appropriate for me to do. Please accept my apology for my unacceptable behaviour."

Nodding, Derek held out his hand to his Unit Chief. "It's okay man."

Shaking his head, Hotch told him that it wasn't okay. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I saw her struggling and you weren't relenting and I just snapped."

"I get it man, but you have to know that I would never hurt her. Not intentionally."

"I know that Derek, but I just don't think you should play with Emily's feelings like that. Emily deserves someone who is ready to commit and is there for her. And I don't think you are the right one for her. She is too special to be one of your 'ladies'."

Smirking, Derek downed the rest of his drink before he answered. "Listen Hotch, because I know that this is more about Emily then it is about me, I'm going to let that particular comment go and not get offended by it. And that is because I respect you. Now I know that my track record hasn't been the greatest but this is Emily we are talking about. I would never treat her without all the respect she deserves. She's my partner and one of my best friends. Do you really think I'd add her name to my little black book? "

Not waiting for an answer, Derek continued, "Besides that Hotch, Emily and I can never be more than friends because she's in love with someone else."

Hotch's eyes grew wide at Derek's words but he could bring himself to ask who.

"You need to fix this man. She is fuming but she only has 4 days left at the BAU. You need to make this go away."

"And how do I do that?"

"I don't know, but I sure as hell would bring her a drink or two before you follow her out."


	6. Chapter 6: She lays it on the Line

Challenge 25 - Halloween Horrors!

Pairing: Hotch/ Emily

Title: Desperation

Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, ****I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters**

**A/N **Thanks to everyone that reviewed and included this story under their alerts and favorites. It's time for Emily to have it out with Hotch! 

Hotch paused outside the balcony door holding a drink in each hand. "Damn!" Hotch muttered as he watched Emily arguing with herself while she paced back and forth. When he saw Emily's fists come up and shake in the air, Hotch felt like a school boy waiting outside the principal's office. He didn't want to go out but he knew that he had no choice.

Once Emily stopped moving and was leaning forward on the railing, Hotch took a deep breath and pushed the door open. As silently as he could, he made his way over to where Emily stood; stopping just behind the bench.

Without turning around, Emily grunted, "Leave me alone."

His heart dropped a little at the disparity he heard in her voice but not in the least surprized that she knew it was him. "Emily, I…"

"Don't!" She whipped around, her eyes glaring at him with such disgust that Hotch took a step back.

Hotch nodded and wisely choose to say nothing.

"I am so flipping mad at you for what you did that I really don't care what you have to say."

"You're right." Hotch agreed thinking it was the best way to move forward. "Get it off your chest." He encouraged her holding out a drink to her.

Rolling her eyes at him, she grabbed the drink Hotch was holding and downed the whole thing in one gulp. Wiping away the drips with her finger, she dropped the glass on the bench and stood in front of him.

"You know, you amaze me. You seem to think that just because I'm dressed like a little girl in this costume that I've forgotten all my training as a profiler. You think I don't know what you are doing. I know enough about your psycho-babble bullshit to know that you are trying to pacify me. And you think that once I get it off my chest that I will forget what you did and accept your apology. Well it's going to take a lot more than that to make up for making me feel like a cheap whore looking for a one night stand. How dare you Hotch? How dare you interfere with my life?"

She was goading him to answer but he was smart enough not to. So he stood there looking directly into her eyes and he could see that she was fuming and the more that Hotch didn't answer, the angrier she got. "You made me feel dirty and disgusting like the only reason Morgan would be interested in me is to get into my pants. And your sanctimonious tone you took with him as though you were perfect. Well, let me tell you, you aren't perfect. Hell you aren't even in the same universe as perfect. What I do and who I do it with really is none of your concern."

"Emily I care about you."

Holding out her finger in front of his face, she wagged it to indicate that she didn't want to hear. "No, Hotch you don't get to say those things to me. Maybe once upon a time I might have let you, but then that was before things began to change. I helped you through a rough time in your life with Hailey and then Foyet and I thought I read some signs that I was important to you."

"You were…you are." Hotch tried to tell her but Emily continued as though she didn't hear him.

"You met _**her**_ and from then on everything was about your training with her, your dinners with her or your tea outings with her. I am so sick of hearing her name. You systematically closed me out of your life and **now** you feel like you have a right to take a stand in my life. Well you are too fucking late."

"Emily, that's not how it is."

"Oh please. Everyone saw how you treated me when I returned from Europe. Sure you supported me just as much as the next guy, but really you froze me out of your live. I was willing to accept that you had moved on but the worst of it was that you shut me out of Jack's life too. And that killed me."

"I didn't mean too. It was just that Beth…"

"Don't! Do not say her name to me. I don't really care what that bitch wanted. All I know is that she took a man that was very important away from me when I needed him the most and I will always hate her! She took Jack away from me too and you let her!"

Angry tears formed in her eyes. Continuing she berated Hotch for what she felt was Beth's fault that she had stopped seeing Jack. "I really love that boy of yours. It was the highlight of my week whenever I got to spend time with Jack. At the beginning it was because of both of you. You grounded me in reality. No matter what else was going on around us, no matter what horrors we saw in our work lives, being around Jack changed me. I started to see the innocence of life again but each time we planned something and you made an excuse to cancel our outings, a little part of me died inside."

Shocked by her admission, he realized that he really screwed up. Reaching out for her, Hotch cringed when Emily shook him off, "You know what? I'm so happy that I'm leaving the BAU and I don't have to see you anymore. I really don't want to hear your voice…I don't even want to see your face anymore. I'll finish off my last few days in Anderson's office and then I'll get the hell away from you. You'll have all the time you need to woo your woman. Now please Hotch, out of respect for all the years we've worked together get the hell out of here and leave me alone!" She screamed pointing to the exit door.

And then he saw her shutting down; her emotions and feelings were now locked up in that box inside her and she had just thrown away the key. He realized that he had really messed up. He thought he was doing the right thing by looking out for his friend but it became evident that he just pushed her further away. How could he tell her how he really felt when she looked at this as a betrayal? And when Emily felt like she was betrayed, she shut you out.

He tried to reach out to touch her shoulder again but Emily jerked away from him immediately after he reached for her. Sadly, Aaron dropped his hand and whispered that he was sorry before he left her standing on the balcony alone.

As Aaron stepped back into the party, the music was unbearable loud and Hotch could hardly think about what had just happened. Or perhaps it was the pending feeling of doom that was pounding in his head? Rubbing his hands over his face, he realized that he had really screwed up. He had hurt Beth tonight, which he didn't feel as guilty about as he should, as well as Emily.

Replaying what had just happened Hotch realized that while Emily was hurt about what had occurred tonight, she was even more hurt about Jack. The revelation was like a hammer on his heart as he realized that her anger was more about their relationship than about what happened in the ballroom. Maybe if he didn't have his head in the clouds about his new relationship with Beth, he might have stood up to her when she gently suggested that he limit Jack's time with Emily. At the time she had persuaded him that she and Jack were not bonding as well as they should because Jack had to divide his feelings between two women. She talked about how confusing it was for Jack and perhaps once he developed a relationship with Beth, he could have some occasional play dates with Emily.

God, he was so stupid! He should have realized that Beth was manipulating him even back then. But unfortunately he was thinking with the wrong head and he had alienated one of his best friends. The hole he fell into seemed to be getting bigger and bigger by the minute. He needed to fix this and tell her how he really felt. Just how the hell was he going to do that?


	7. Chapter 7: A plan

Chapter 7

A/N Sorry for the delay. This is such a busy time. Hope you enjoy

"I guess it didn't go too well."

Hotch turned around to see Derek leaning up against the wall just outside the balcony door swirling an untouched drink in his hand.

Shaking his head, Hotch ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation, "Worse".

Derek pushed the drink into Hotch's hand and slapped his arm across the back of his shoulders. "I'm sorry man."

"Me too." Hotch replied before swallowing the drink Derek handed to him. The liquid burned as it entered his body. "What the hell was that?" he sputtered after he emptied the glass.

Smirking, Derek told him, "That, my friend, was a '5 o'clock in the morning'. It looked like you needed it more than I did."

Shaking his head, Hotch leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I'm an idiot."

"You mean about Beth?"

Raising his head back from the wall, Hotch looked at Morgan and realized that he was a bigger idiot that he thought. "You knew that she was manipulating me?"

"Yah man, I knew. Hell, we all knew. It was so obvious."

"All of you knew?"

Nodding, Morgan told Hotch how they saw all the little changes in Hotch since he had started dating Beth. "All of us, at one time or another have commented about her and how she changed the dynamics of our team after hours."

"I don't think that's really fair to say that."

"Oh no? Hotch, when was the last time you made it to a team dinner that wasn't while we were on a case?"

Hotch tried to remember and the only thing coming to his mind was Rossi's birthday bash. No! That couldn't be it…that was over 4 months ago! He felt like he had been living in a hole. How could he not see it, when everyone else did?

"Hotch, stop berating yourself. Beth is a beautiful woman that you were attracted to. It was inevitable that you would have done anything to be a part of her life. You just didn't realize that it was at the expense of the people around you."

"Derek, you have no idea what a mess I made. God, I made excuses to Emily over and over again to appease Beth because I thought she was the one. I didn't realize until tonight that all Beth was the catalyst to make me realize I could finally start to love again. Unfortunately for Beth, I just couldn't do that with her."

"What are you saying man? Do you love Emily?"

Hotch was ready to deny it but he realized that his feelings were on his sleeve. Nodding silently, he waited to see what Morgan would say. He watched as Morgan mulled that over before he responded. "Good to see you finally got your head out of your ass. Now what are you going to do about it?"

He should have been offended but instead he began a slow conversation about how to fix the situation. They two of them discussed what Hotch was going to do and in a short time they had a plan of action.

Derek walked over to the door leading to the balcony. "I really hope this works."

"So do I." Hotch replied before Derek stepped through the doors towards the angry Emily, "I know that this might back fire but I feel like I have no choice."

"Good luck man. I think you're going to need it."

"Knowing her mood, you're going need some luck too." Hotch told him before the door shut. 'Actually we're both going to need a miracle."

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP HPHPPHHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHHPH

Derek scanned the balcony and spotted Emily on the couch. He walked over to the seat and sat down beside her without saying anything. Emily slowly lowered her head to his shoulder and then in almost a whisper said, "He chose her over me, Derek."

Putting his arm around her, Morgan pulled her close. "You know that you overreacted; don't you?"

Turning her head to stare at him, she mulled over what he said. "I know."

"So why were you so harsh to Hotch?"

Tears forming in her eyes, Emily whimpered, "I don't know. I mean, I know that I was angry that he was here with her tonight and then when he said what he said to you, I just lost it. He was wrong to talk to you and about you like that."

"Em, I'm a big boy. I don't need you to fight my fights."

"I know but I think that it was a slippery slope for me. Once I started down that hill, it was like a snowball that got bigger and bigger. And he said some things that I feel were unforgiveable."

Cocking his head to one side, Derek looked at her like she was not telling the whole truth. "You know what I think…I think that you are too scared to tell him how you really feel and now you are using this as an excuse to push him away. Princess, don't do it. You both care about each other and if you don't at least meet him half way, you're going to lose someone that is very important to you."

"But I've already lost him."

"Don't be so sure, Princess. Things are not always what they seem. Now let's get you out of here. I think that you've had more than enough of this party and I'm sure you want out of that Halloween costume."

"I can't wait to get out of this outfit. I really lost my flavour for this holiday tonight. I'm not even going to give out candy tomorrow. Maybe I should book a hotel room so I can get away from the whole situation.

Derek thought for a moment, "I got one better. Come on let's get our stuff." He led her off the balcony and to the table to pick up their jackets and Emily's purse. Luckily no one was at the table when they returned so they left quickly without having to explain what had happened.

As they got off the elevator, Emily grabbed Morgan for support. "Oh God, why is this room spinning?"

Chuckling, Derek put his arm around her to steady her. "Don't worry. Once you get some food in you, you'll feel better."

He helped her get into the passenger seat and then drove directly to Mr. Chan's for takeout. Derek made sure that Emily stayed in the car while he picked up the food. Getting back in, he realized that Emily had fallen asleep. Perfect!

Texting Hotch that they'd be there shortly, Morgan drove quickly out of the city, taking the familiar road to Dave's cottage. He pulled up behind Hotch's truck and turned off the engine. Looking at his sleeping colleague he hoped that he was making the right choice. Unfortunately the decision was made and Hotch was suddenly beside the truck to help carry Emily in.

Before Derek had a chance to tell him that he'd carry her in, Aaron already had Emily in his arms. Derek watched him carry her into the cottage. He could see how gingerly Aaron was holding her; almost as though she was a piece of antique porcelain.

'They were going to be alright', Derek thought. They had to be because if they didn't work it out, Derek would be the next one on Emily's hit list. Shivering with dread, Derek grabbed the food and carried it into the house, leaving a smaller package for himself in the car.

Once he deposited the food on the kitchen counter, he checked in with Hotch before heading out. "This had better work," Derek told Hotch, "Or you and I are going to have to move to a faraway country that has no internet or satellite feeds, you hear me man. I'm telling you I've done what I can and now it's up to you."

Leaving only a small light on the other end of the coach, Hotch watched Emily sleep and whispered, "We aren't leaving here until I make her see how much I care about her. Even if it means that I miss Halloween with my son."

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that. She's that important to you? When did that happen?"

"I have no idea. Maybe since the first time I ever met her. I just was too stupid to see what was in front of me." Hotch admitted. "This beautiful woman has invaded my heart and we're not going anywhere until she sees that. Now get out of here before she wakes up. I don't want her to have an option of leaving with you."

"You got it. Good luck."

"Thanks for everything Derek. I'll see you at the office on Monday."

"If you're still alive."

Snorting, Hotch watched as Derek drove off. Finally the lights of his truck were gone from his sight and Hotch turned back to look at the figure on the couch. Only the couch was now empty. The butterflies in Hotch's stomach began to flutter as he looked around the great room searching for his guest. Taking a deep breath, he realized that she was sitting in Dave's arm chair in front of the fire he had built.

He quickly walked over to the fireplace and sat down in the matching chair watching the side of her face for some response. When she didn't speak, Hotch sighed and told her that he was going to set the table with food.

"I know that you are angry with me but until we settle this neither of us is leaving. So come to the kitchen. I've got your favorite Chinese dinner." Hotch told the seething woman before he left her alone.

As he set the table, Hotch hoped that this was going to work because he didn't know what else he was going to do. She had to give him a chance to make it right. At the very least, he hoped she'd let him apologize.

Sitting at the table with the food in front of him, he waited a patiently to see if she would join him. After waiting about 10 minutes, Hotch sighed and realized that she wouldn't be joining him. He reached for the container of Kung pow chicken to place some in his dish along with some steamed rice and beef and broccoli. He ate the food quickly savouring the spiciness of the food.

Reaching for the Beef and Broccoli again, his hand froze just above the container when he heard, "You better leave me some of that or this evening is going to be worse than you thought."


	8. Chapter 8: The Talk

A/N Sorry for the delay. Life has been very difficult and unfortunately I had to put this story on the back burner. Hope you enjoy. Also I took some liberties with Emily's age.

As always I own nothing but my imagination

Hotch looked up from the food to see Emily standing by the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Wouldn't dare think of it." Hotch replied as his hand moved to the Schezuan Chicken container instead.

"Dinner is getting cold. Why don't you have a seat? " he asked as Emily watched him serve himself the chicken and then reach for some fried rice. As much as she wanted not to give in, her stomach growled in protest. Conceding Emily joined Hotch at the kitchen table sitting opposite of him.

She planned only to have a little so they could hurry up and have their 'discussion' but the smell of the food, especially since it was from her favorite restaurant, proved to be too much for Emily. She scooped several spoons from all the containers filling her plate until there was no more room. Shoving forkful after forkful ensured that she did not have to answer to anything Hotch tried to ask; not that he attempted to speak to her anyway.

Once Hotch was finished his own dinner, he got up and walked over to the fridge. Pulling out to two beers and a bottle of white wine, he held them out so Emily could pick. Her mouth full of food, Emily was able to tilt her head and grunt at the beers. Putting the wine back into the fridge, Hotch pulled out a glass for each of them and poured a beer into each one.

Setting a glass in front of her, he watched as she finished the mountain of food in her plate. If he thought that it wouldn't piss her off, he would have chuckled at the sight of her shoveling the food into her sweet delectable mouth.

Shaking his head to bring him back to reality, Hotch sipped his own beer until she was done. "Would you like anymore?" he asked her when she finally put her fork down.

Shaking her head, she helped him pack up the leftovers before he put them in the fridge. Without a word, he picked up his beer and the fortune cookies and walked back into the Great room. Emily took a deep breath and followed him carrying her own untouched glass.

Sitting across from each other on the chairs in front of the fireplace, the two colleagues and friends stared at each other before Hotch held out the tray with the fortune cookies. They each took one and cracked it open.

"A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck with the job." Stroking his chin, Hotch contemplated those words. "I can see that."

Emily cracked hers open; snorting at the saying she found inside. When Hotch looked puzzled she held it out to him. "Here I think we got our fortunes reversed. "

Hotch took it from her and read it aloud, "A clean conscience is a soft pillow." Closing his eyes, he realized that just irritated her more.

Finally he asked, "Nothing seems to be going right today, does it?" Emily didn't answer him. Instead she took a piece of the cookie and popped it in her mouth.

Hotch reached out for his beer and twirled the glass in his hands. Finally he took a deep breath before bringing the glass to his lips. Letting the cool liquid slid down his throat, he contemplated where to start. Placing the glass down on the table, he saw that she was watching him. Rubbing his hands up and down his legs, he gathered up all the strength he could muster and said, "Forgive me."

Snorting, Emily shook her head. "You think it is that easy? Forgive me…..Oh okay, let's go to the movies." She mocked.

"Emily, I know and I'm not saying that it is easy or even that you should forgive me but I want you to know that I take all the blame. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let this happen. "

Her silence indicated to him that he needed to continue. "Everything that I tell you tonight is the truth and this you have to believe, I never set out to hurt you, ever! Emily, do you remember the first time you came to my office?"

"How could I forget that _wonderful_ day?" she replied dryly.

Hotch fondly replayed that moment when she pushed her way into his office and told her who she was. Not that he could ever forget those eyes. "I remembered you from when I worked with the Ambassador. I didn't know if you were a good agent, a smart woman or a strong person but I did know that I remembered the way the wind blew your hair and the way the sunlight twinkled in your eyes. It scared me how quickly my thoughts turned to your beauty inside of the work. That was why I was so rude to you."

Cocking her left eye, Emily twisted her hand in the air and added, "Besides the fact that you thought I was planted there by the wicked witch."

A small smile escaped from his lips. "Yes you're right. But my first thought was there was no way I could have you working there beside me when all I could think about was the missed opportunity when I was a young agent."

"Missed opportunity? Now, why did I intrigue you so much? Weren't you and Hayley together at that time?"

"We were on a "break". She was in university out of state and we tried to hold on to our relationship but she didn't like the long distance thing. So we broke up during her last year away. By then I was on your mother's detail and I while I wasn't looking, you sort of fell into my lap in more ways than one." He teased winking at her.

"That was not my fault!" Emily laughed. "I had been climbing out that window for years. How was I supposed to know that the gardener was in the process of replacing the trellis?"

"Well lucky for you I was standing there at the bottom and caught you."

"Pfft…you were there to try and look up my skirt."

"You weren't wearing one. You had on your skin tight leather pants that showed every curve….."

"I knew that you noticed my ass!" Emily pointed at him before the both of them exploded in a fit of laughter.

Once he caught her eye, she sobered up quickly. "It was hard not to notice it when you flaunted yourself around me."

"I did not!"

"Emily."

"Okay….so I was an impressionable eighteen year old and you were the older worldly secret agent."

"Not so much older. It's not like I was walking around with a cane."

Emily's eyes watched the flames leap up as her thoughts transported her to her teenage years. "Well I looked up to you. You were tall, dark and mysterious and even though you were 5 years older than me, dammit I'll I could think about was how cute you were."

"I know this is going to sound cliché, but even though you were too young for me, I wanted to get to know you. I saw such sadness in your eyes until that night when we danced at the Carnevale di Venezia Ball."

"We danced?"

"I knew you didn't recognize me. I was the black and white knight."

"The one who didn't speak!"

Hotch chuckled and nodded his head." Your eyes sparkled and your smile lit up a room. Everyone was drawn to you including me. I had to dance with you; to put my hand at the small of your back and hold you close with my other hand. Emily, you were the subject of the many conversations and dreams I had in my head."

"But you never said anything to me."

"I was going to tell you how I felt but then you disappeared and you stopped travelling with your mother. I never saw you again until you walked into my office and by then I had married Hayley and Jack was born."

"I know. I'm sorry for just leaving."

"Was it my fault?"

Shaking her head, she smiled at him, "No Aaron. This one was all me."

"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked softly.

Standing up, Emily walked over to the window and folded her arms on the window pane. Placing her chin on top of her arms, she stared outside in the darkness and contemplated his request. She knew she would tell him because it had been long enough keeping this secret. Only she couldn't look at him when she told him that she left because she found out she was pregnant.

When he didn't respond to her statement, she turned around to face him expecting a look of disappointment on him. He surprised her when he stood up and reached for her hand. She surprised herself when she let him.

"I found out that I was pregnant that night. I climbed down that trellis and ran to John's house to tell him."

"John? But I thought…."

"Yes we had broken up a few weeks before. I wasn't sure that I wanted the baby and he certainly didn't want it so he talked me into getting an abortion. He convinced me that it would ruin my mother's career and it would ruin our lives."

"And I knew…I knew that he was seeing someone else so I finally agreed. Then he handed me the money and told me to take care of it. I knew right then and there when he abandoned me and I had to deal with it on my own that I had made a big mistake trusting men. Granted my best friend Matthew was the one who helped me take care of the situation, it really skewed my perception of men. So I ran back home to America where I could forget about what I did. I blocked everything out about Italy including you."

Rubbing his thumb across her palm, she continued, "I promised myself that no man was going to take decisions out of my hand. No man was going to get close enough to me to hurt me. And yet here I am." Shaking her hand out of his, she walked over to her chair and took a sip of her own beer.

Hotch was crushed. He knew that something had happened in Italy and when Emily and David were involved in that case with the Priest; Dave had confessed that Emily had many losses in her life. Hotch thought that meant that she had miscarried a child at some point. But this he didn't expect.

"I'm so sorry Emily. I wish you could have confided in me back then. I'm not sure the outcome would have been different but at least I could have helped you."

"What…so you could have told my mother?"

"I wouldn't have."

"You told her about everything else."

"That wasn't me."

"You don't have to lie to me. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It matters to me….and I didn't."

He watched as her brow became wrinkled while she contemplated if he was telling the truth. "But I thought…."

"It was Gretchen."

"The housekeeper?" she looked at him in disbelief. "Why?" When he didn't answer, Emily's mind started to wander back to that time. "Oh my God! It was her!"

When Hotch nodded, Emily continued to rant, "Of all the low life, piece of garbage I had to let into my life. When did you know that John was seeing her?"

"Right after you left. He continued coming by the embassy, so I followed him and I realized that he must have been seeing Gretchen behind your back and you found out which was the reason that you left so suddenly."

"Well that explains a hell of a lot. What an idiot I was! I should have realized that no man will ever choose me. John chose Gretchen, Daddy chose Mother, you chose Beth, and even Ian chose Valhalla over me." Covering her eyes with the heels of her hands, Emily rubbed them as though it might create clarity for her. "No one wants me. I'm such a loser!"

Hotch jumped up and knelt in front of her. Pulling down her hands, he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. "That's not true. Emily…you are wonderful and special and you are everything a man could want or need. I was an idiot. You were so important to me and I didn't want to take chances with our relationship. I married Hayley because I thought it was the right thing to do. I loved her but I never forgot how beautiful you were and how your laughter crawled up into my heart and stayed there. When you came to the BAU, I panicked. I couldn't jeopardize my son's life for my selfish wants so I kept you at arm's length."

"Is that what you call your grumpy attitude?"

Ignoring her, he continued, "But you wouldn't let me forget. You wormed your way into my life again and I was afraid that I would do something to send you running for the hills.

"No shit Sherlock, that's exactly what you did."

Wiping a tear that escaped from her lashes, Hotch agreed, "You are right. I didn't mean to do that. With the frat rules I didn't want to lose our friendship because it meant more to me that getting you into bed. So when I met…"

"Don't say her name," Emily hissed through her teeth.

"When I met her, I figured that she would get my mind off of you so we could keep our friendship pure. I didn't realize that she would systematically get you out of my life and Jack's. I didn't even see it. I let her to that to you; to us."

Emily felt like something had crawled into the pit of her stomach and was ripping her inside to shreds. Her tears were not contained anymore and flowed freely down her cheeks. She reached for the tissue from the box he held out to her.

"Emily, I'm so sorry that my actions caused you to be hurt."

Tears came to her eyes and all Hotch wanted to do was reach out and wipe them away but he stayed where he was. "Damn it Hotch! You didn't just hurt me, you broke me!"

The words went straight through to the pit of his stomach and he felt his own tears.

"You took Jack away. You took you away. I know that Jack is yours but he became a part of my life and he scooped up a piece of my heart. When you chose her over me you crushed my feelings but when I suddenly couldn't see Jack anymore you broke my heart."

"I know sweetheart, I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't have the courage to tell you how I really felt about you because if you didn't feel the same, you would have broken me too! I couldn't fall apart in front of Jack. He already lost his mother; he can't lose his father too."

"Being with me would have been a bad thing for Jack?"

"Of course not but when you were in Europe and out of Jack's life and my life, it nearly destroyed us. I'm sure the team could tell you how difficult it was for them to work with me. Besides Jack, I had nothing else to live for. I became hardened….yes more than I was. I took crazy chances and I took out my emotions on the staff and sometimes Jack. It scared me. I never laid a hand on my son but I didn't like how I was around him. I left him at Jessica's way too many times because of my dark emotions."

Running his hands through his hair, Aaron stood up and leaned back on the table. "When you returned I was so happy and I started to get my emotions under control. I knew that it was dangerous for me to risk making you a priority in my life and my son's in case you decided to leave again. So whether it was the best or the smartest idea when I met Beth I knew I had to try and get you out of my heart."

"So I started seeing Be…her… to try and hide my feelings for you and to keep our relationship professional. But it was hard to keep my true feelings hidden. She must have seen them right from the beginning and she manipulated the situation to get you out of the picture."

"Come on Hotch, you are a grown FBI criminalist that can read through that kind of bullshit with your eyes closed."

"I should have, but I was so desperate to get you out of my head that I made excuses for her. I remember the day I heard about your date with Sergio. I almost had a heart attack. All I could think about was some Latin muscle man that had his hands all over you. So when Beth suggested that she wanted to work on her relationship with Jack, she talked him into going to the Zoo. I knew that you wanted to go with him to see the penguins but I figured that Sergio might have a problem with it so I said yes."

Emily cringed at Beth's name but let him continue. "By the time I found out Sergio was your cat, I was so relieved but so deep in it with Beth that I didn't know what else to do. I didn't even realize how good Beth really was at pushing you out of my life until you decided to quit. I didn't want to believe it so I chose not to until a couple of good friends finally opened my eyes. I need you in my life. Please tell me that it is not too late, Em, please."

Emily looked into his eyes as he pleaded with her. She wanted to believe him but he hurt her over and over again every time he chose Beth over her. How can I believe that she will let me be a part of your life?"

"Because she no longer has a say. I told her tonight that we were done."

"Whha. Why would you do that?"

"Because Emily, she isn't the one I want."

Her heart was pounding and she swallowed the ball that was hiding in her thought. Hotch continued, "I cared about her and she brought me out of my shell and I could see that it was okay to love again. I wanted to badly to find love and I really tried with Beth but she wasn't "the one". You are, only if you don't love me the way I love you it will destroy me."

"Love? You love me?" Emily questioned with wide eyes; her breathing caught in her thought as she looked to him for a response.


	9. Chapter 9: The decision

A/N This story has taken longer than I ever thought. For some reason, I just couldn't find my muse for a period of time. Hopefully it was worth the wait. Finally the last chapter…

Taking her hand in his, Aaron cleared his throat and looked directly into her beautiful chestnut eyes. Rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand, Aaron smiled, "Emily Ann Prentiss I…love… you. I have since the first moment you fell in my arms. I loved you when you walked into my office and demanded that I accept you on the team. I loved you each time you debated every decision I made that you disagreed with. I loved you when you willing put yourself in harm's way to protect your family. And even though I hated it, I loved you when you gave up your life to go after that lowlife. It nearly destroyed me when you "died" on the table. I knew you were alive but you were gone from my life and it nearly killed me. I wish I had told you then that I loved you as a man loves a woman but I couldn't."

"Why? Why didn't you ever share this with me?"

"Because…I was so afraid that I would do something to turn you away that I convinced myself it was better to love you behind the scenes. I knew that one day when you would come back to us, and then I could tell you how I felt. But you don't know what your absence did to Jack…" He whispered pushing aside the long bangs from her face. "…or what it did to me. It made me think that if I told you how I loved you and then you pulled away from me, I would have been devastated."

He stopped talking when Emily placed her finger on his lips to stop him from talking further. "You really love me, Aaron. Truly?"

Nodding his head, Aaron reached out to cup Emily's cheek with his hand. Gently rubbing his thumb across her soft skin he answered, "Emily, you are the "one" who has my heart and my love forever. It is your face that I want to see every night before I go to bed and the first one I want to see in the morning. Please… let me love you and I promise to show you how much you mean to me every day for the rest of my life."

The tears flowed down Emily's cheeks as she listened to Aaron's words. She wanted to believe him, hell she needed to believe him but fear gripped her ferociously and all she could say was "I'm afraid."

Aaron reached up with his other hand and gently wiped away the tears. When his lips where mere inches from hers, he whispered, "I know love, but you have to believe that love will triumph everything. I'm scared too of not being good enough for you but I know that Jack deserves your love and you deserve him. And I will endeavor to be the best man I can be by loving you with my whole heart. Please Emily, give us a chance. Please?"

Emily smiled through her tears. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she asked, "Oh Aaron, are you're pleading with me?"

As Aaron pulled her closer he whispered, "Is it working to convince you to take a chance on me?"

Nodding, Emily wanted to cry as she stared into his eyes to see that they were so full of hope. Hope for a bright future full of happiness and love. She really wanted to take this chance with Aaron. He was everything she wanted in life. Reaching up to cup his cheek, he took that as permission to gingerly place his lips against hers. As he tightened his hold on her, their kiss deepened allowing him to push past her swollen lips and sample her sweet nectar.

Emily could feel the kiss all the way down to her toes so she was quite thankful that they were seated. She could just imagine how sexy she would look if her knees had buckled and she was sprawled on the floor. When they separated he rested his forehead against hers trying to catch their breath before Emily finally responded, "I don't know if I'm dreaming or not but I swear if I'm dreaming DON'T wake me up."

Pulling back to look directly at Emily eyes, Aaron whisper, "Why Emily, that would entail you finding your way into a bed."

Emily threaded her fingers through Aaron's short hair and tugged him toward her. She placed a quick kiss on his lips and then seductively she told him, "As long as it finally gets me in your bed!"

Chuckling Aaron stood up and held out his hand to her. "My bed is going to have to wait, my love, but you can have your pick of any of beds here at Chez Dave. So my lady let me show you just how much I really love you."

Her eyes doubled in sized as she stared at his hand and for a brief second she hesitated.

Aaron sensed her internal struggle. He reached out and placed a finger under her chin so that her eyes met his. Softly he whispered, "Lao Tzu once wrote that 'The Journey of 1000 miles begins with one step.' Emily if you take that step with me, I promise you that I will love you and protect you and be the one to put that sparkle back in your eyes. I will hold your hand during a thunder storm and I will wipe the tears in your eyes when you watch a chick flick. And I will be there when you tell your mom that I'm your guy." That got a chuckle from her.

"Please Emily, start this journey with me. You won't regret it."

Emily heard the desperation in his voice. He was laying his heart on his sleeve and now it was up to her to let him know how she felt. She locked eyes with him noticing how they held such love…love that he had for her! Well, she wasn't going to wait any longer. Pushing his hand out of the way, Emily jumped up and threw herself in his arms almost knocking Aaron over from the force.

He didn't laugh at her enthusiasm but instead he swept her up in his arms. Wordlessly, Aaron nodded to the upper area of the cabin and waited for her to signal if she was ready to take this step. He let out the breath he didn't realize that he was holding when she smiled and pulled his head down to place a long, sweet kiss on his lips. Aaron took the steps two at a time as her carried her up the stairs. Kicking open the door to the master bedroom, Emily strained to take a quick look around before he stopped in front of the platform bed. Holding on to Aaron's muscular shoulders, Emily looked around and whistled her appreciation at the décor of the room. Winking she teased, "Dave's room huh?"

Aaron dropped his hands to his side and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, he did say to make ourselves at home. Besides", Aaron told her, "Dave said that he wished he could be a fly on the wall tonight. This will be the closest he is ever going to get to see you naked."

Running her fingers through the hair and the nape of Hotch's neck, Emily raised an eyebrow at his comment. "Really? So you think you're going to get to see me naked?"

"Yes!" Aaron laughed as he cupped her cheeks in his hands, "I can't wait to rip that costume off of you." Aaron whispered as he nuzzled Emily's neck.

Emily sighed in his arms causing Aaron to step back and look at the woman in his arms. Reaching up, he brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Are you sure that you are ready for this Em? Because we can stop any time you want."

Emily's brows crossed as she tried to comprehend what he was trying to say. "Maybe we are moving too fast. I care so much about you and I don't want to screw it up. I don't want you to feel that all this is about is getting you into bed. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. Maybe we should wait."

Leaning into his hand as he tucked her hair behind her ear, Emily closed her eyes savoring the sweetness of the moment. The way he called her 'Em'…and always the gentleman, "BAU" Hotch snuck out to set out some boundaries. But Emily didn't want any boundaries. She wanted to be with Aaron.

Stopping his ministrations, Emily took both his hands and placed them around her waist. "Aaron, we aren't teenagers having sex for the first time. We are adults….well into our adulthood. What could we possibly be waiting for? I have known you and loved you for years and I have fantasized about this moment more times then I care to admit." Moving closer to him, she could feel the evidence of his arousal against her. Pressing forward, Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. Placing tiny kisses along his strong jawline Emily showed him what she wanted. "I want this…Aaron. I want you."

Brushing her lips against his, he gave in a half a second later. Slowly he began to unbutton her blouse and let it fall off her creamy white shoulders. His breathing hitched as he took in her black lacy bra holding the most perfect, perky breasts. He turned her around, snaking his arms around her. His hands hovered over her chest until she grabbed his hands and guided them under the bra. Her nipples became instantly hard and leaned back against him. He pushed her hair to the side, placing kisses along her shoulder blades.

Aaron moved his hand lower to her skirt. When he couldn't find the clasp, he became frustrated and tried to tug it down. Emily laughed when she realized that he was struggling. Helping him unclasp the button, Aaron grew impatient and basically ripped it off her, taking off her leggings and stockings at the same time. Emily laughed as she stepped out of the clothing and kicked it over the edge of the bed. Placing her hands on her hips, Emily turned around to face him. She could see that his dark eyes were black with desire and she stood there in only her lacey underthings and her mile high shoes. Pointing her finger at him, she warned, "Hey buster, you better be careful. I paid good money for this costume so I can wear it again."

Shaking his head, Aaron grabbed her finger and pulled her into his arms to kiss her. On the lips, in the small of her neck, on her shoulders; each time his lips met her skin, he said something in response. "Hell no… You are never wearing that...costume again. Well at least not in public. No…not in public. Just…for…me." He cried before crushing his lips down on hers while his hands explored every inch of her.

Emily was on fire. Aaron's lips began to trail down her body while his hands prodded and kneaded until her legs began to tremble. Emily put on hand on his chest and pushed until Aaron, breathing heavily, finally backed up. "Wait."

Confused, Aaron clenched his hands at his sides as he looked to her for an answer as to why she stopped. Emily backed up until her knees hit the edge of the bed. Turning around, she climbed up on the comforter and kneeled in front of the pillows. Looking back over her shoulder, Emily lowered her lids slightly and purred, "Oh this is such a mess!" Grabbing one pillow at a time, Emily made quite a show reaching over and tossing it on to the floor.

Aaron stood transfixed watching the little show that she was putting on. 'That little minx knew that he was watching her every move and she wiggled her cute, lace covered tush in the air each time she bent over. When she was done she arched her back as she leaned against the headboard. Placing one hand to the right side of head, she draped the other over her taunt stomach; her fingers touching the top of her lacey panties. Aaron swallowed loudly as she moved over her hands over the lace. "Mmmm. I think that you are a little overdressed, don't you think, Sheriff?"

Without taking his eyes off of her, Aaron unbuttoned his shirt and removed his jacket and shirt in one swift move. She moaned when he reached down to slip out of his pants and she saw that his arousal was pushing against his boxers. He quickly stepped out of his boxers and threw them towards the rest of his clothes. Kicking off his shoes, Aaron peeled off his socks and placed them beside his shoes.

Standing there in front of her, in all his glorious nakedness, Emily stared at him and wondered how lucky she could be. He was so beautiful and she ached to touch him but he seemed rooted in his spot, just staring at her. Taking one of her pig tails in her hand, she twisted it around her finger and pouted. "So Sheriff, I've been a very bad, bad girl."

Clearing his throat, Aaron took a deep breath and slowly walked over to the bed. Leaning over her, he tapped Emily on the chin with his finger. "Not yet…but you will be." Aaron promised as he ran his finger down the length of her.

As he traced circles over her panties, she moaned his name, "Aaron." Grabbing his arm, she tugged and he fell onto the bed beside her. Pushing him onto his back, she straddled him. "Oh I plan to be very, very bad." Bending down she nibbled on his lips. In between kisses, she reached down and cupped his throbbing erection asked him, "Now Sheriff, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Aaron grabbed Emily's hips and positioned her right over his member grinding against her heat. "Oh love, I am very, very happy to see you."

Emily smiled as his hands pulled at the black thong. "OFF!" Aaron said forcefully. Emily sat back on his legs and placing her stiletto shoes on either side of his head, she slowly pushed her underwear down her legs until it she couldn't reach. Aaron took over as he reached up to cup her smooth calves and he pulled the thong the rest of the way. Crushing it in his hands, he brought it up to inhale her scent before he threw it over the light shade on the left side of the bed. Reaching for her legs, he pulled them until she was seated on the top end of his chest. Her body was trembling as he parted her slick folds and slid two fingers into her heat. She was ready for him, her juices soaking his fingers. Her breathing hitched as he touched her magic spot, sending shivers down to the bottom of toes. He pulled his fingers out and licked her dripping juices from them before moved her closer to lap the juices directly with his tongue.

Emily moaned as he brought her closer and closer to the edge. Once he added his thumb to flick her nub, she thrust her hips slightly to meet him until she saw stars; crying out his name as she flung herself back against his legs and against his aching cock. He hissed as she came in contact with him, terrified that he would lose his load before they even started. Emily sat up quickly and scooted down to take him in her hands. Aaron stopped her right away. Through clenched teeth, Aaron told her he wouldn't last if she touched him. Emily wanted to brush his hands aside and give him the same ecstasy that he had just given her but she really wanted him inside her. Balancing over his rock hard member, she eased herself down until he was fully sheathed inside her. Aaron watched her face as she struggled to get comfortable with his size. When she whimpered he almost pulled himself out. "No…just give me a minute. It's been awhile." She begged.

Aaron was willing to give her as many minutes as she needed until slowly she started to wiggle her hips. Aaron grabbed her waist to give her support until she set the pace. She lifted herself up and down until he began to match her thrusts and they moved in a rhythm that was unique to them. He could feel that he was ready to let go but he needed to make sure she was there with him. Moving a hand down her thigh, he found her quivering nub and rubbed it back and forth until he felt her walls begin to clench. He thrust faster and with one final push, they both cried out as Emily collapsed on top of Aaron.

Resting her head on his chest, she could feel his heart still beating fast. Folding her hands under her chin, she waited for him to catch his breath. "So?"

Pulling up the sheet over them, Aaron wrapped his arms around her and finally tried to speak. The words were having difficulty coming out. "That was…am…"

"Fuckin' amazing" Emily finished, pushing her damp hair out of eyes.

Emily watch a small smile creep over Aaron's lips. "Fuckin' Amazing," he agreed, gently squeezing her.

They lay there together slowly soaking it all in until Emily broke the silence. "I'm gonna want to do that again."

Through closed eyes, Aaron smiled, "Give me some time woman. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Oh, I don't know Sheriff. I have a feeling you are going to be able to keep up with me." She teased, moving up to straddle him again. Emily wiggled against him; her bottom grinding against his limp member bringing it to life much sooner than he ever thought it would.

'So much for some rest.' He thought as she moaned against his lips. She sat up suddenly and he watched as she reached behind to unclip her bra. Sliding it down her arms, Aaron used his teeth to grab it and throw it to the side.

"We are going to have a hell of a time finding our clothes in the morning," she moaned as his hands molded themselves to her breasts, kneading and tugging at the hardened nipples.

Flipping her over, he positioned himself between her legs. Before sinking into her heat, he kissed her and whispered in her ear, "I think we won't ever need clothes again."

Emily's giggles quickly turned to moans as he drove into her with a powerful thrust that she almost came in that one moment. They spent the rest of the night exploring each other and planning for a wonderful future.

Later, much later as they lay in each other's arms, exhausted from their vigorous lovemaking, Emily told Aaron that Halloween was now officially her favourite holiday.

"And next year, you can wear that costume again…but just for me…only for me." Hotch told her.

Winking she told him, "Well Sheriff, that'll depend on if we get to use your handcuffs next time."

"You are amazing!"

"No, love, I'm fuckin' amazing!"

_FIN_


End file.
